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C O N T E M P L A T I V E S E X U A L I T Y
The contemplative sexuality makes it possible to spontaneously perceive our relationship with the Universe. The actual "technique" of lovemaking is not primarily important, because here there is no result to attain.
In this approach, both man and woman are spontaneously on the path of self-discovery, without judging or expecting anything in advance, but living passionately that which exists in the moment.
In our era of high speed, the only technical request is to have enough time, or, better to say, to take enough time. By this, is not only meant the time that is measured in seconds, hours, days, etc., but chiefly a psychic attribute (which could be called a degree of excellence) that allows events to happen in their own time, an inner rhythm that defines a no-hurry attitude. This is a fundamentally essential attitude without which spirituality is impossible.
The modern approach to sexuality is a hurried, forced event, in which woman's orgasm is a relatively rare happening and premature movements speed up man's ejaculation.
The TANTRIC and TAOIST modality of no-ego-involvement allows an endless exchange of love and delays the male ejaculation to the point of disappearance.
This approach is much easier for women, due to their basically passive, receptive nature. But once man gets used to this spiritual approach of sexuality, he can prolong lovemaking indefinitely in time, offering to his woman the greatest possible degree of satisfaction and fulfilment, together with a quick and profound path leading to self-discovery and enlightenment.
One of the first steps of the contemplative sexuality is the discovery of the profundity and pleasure of the most simple contacts, which are generally considered either as having little to do with the sexual act or as being preliminary to it.
It is, for example, discovering the beauty of seeing your loved one, of touching him or her, of listening to his or her voice. There is one condition though: do not expect these contacts to lead to anything, do not force them to lead to anything but let them follow their natural course and stay in a state of detached expectancy.
Thus received, the outer and the inner world become charged with an incredible intensity of life, and we perceive ourselves as containing, to a certain degree, the outer reality reflected in our inner world.
PSYCHIC LOVEMAKING IMPLIES THE CAREFUL DISCOVERY OF YOUR LOVED ONE
The idea of contemplative sexuality is found in Japan in the tea ceremony. This ceremony (actually rooted in the practice of ZEN) associates the metaphysical ecstasy with the social fact of drinking tea with a few good friends.
During the tea ceremony, the most important activity is the continuous act of contemplation - all the rest being secondary from the very beginning and somehow unimportant.
If this fact is not understood, the tea ceremony risks to become a refined snobbishness without any spiritual significance, just as the contemplative lovemaking without the understanding of the doctrine of non-ego-involvment may become a refined art of prolonging the sexual act and enhancing the pleasure, but without much spiritual value.
It is a pity that the majority of those who start the practice of TANTRA (and even many of those who consider themselves advanced) think of it as a skill that will be attained through the practice of certain techniques.
There is nothing to attain! There is no effort, no goal, and no path. The only thing that might require some effort is to give up, to unlearn our prejudices about sexuality. After this has been done, TANTRA is what remains.